Back again?

Here I am! limited internet, back from Air Force boot camp. I am posting a blog I wrote a couple days ago about tech school and my new assignment. I missed the internet. Anyway, here you are, random folks of the internet who may or may not give a crap about me.

23 February

This place is less weird than the last. It feels more like a college dorm life than anything, though I never did that. I just wish I could go home. I mean, I'm settling in and getting over the dramatics of attempted escape and all, but I do just wish they'd let me go home. Like, I have considered all avenues to getting discharged. Everyone, it seems, is. I can name you 4 guys right now going home in the next week. Four.

Enough whining, though. The excuse feels tired, the desire...tired. Yes, of course I want out. Yes, of course I don't want to be here. Doesn't mean I'm going to fail, now does it? Doesn't mean I'm going to be anything less than awesome. And, really... if one is trading happiness for money, I can't deny that I'm getting exactly what I expected. Loneliness, lack of control in my own life, and 2500 a month after taxes plus free healthcare, lodging and food. Oh, and super epic mechanic training, which will be helpful for my entire life. I learn more in one day here...

And I hear good things about Alaska. It is kinda, sorta...completely not what I wanted, but I feel the nagging in the back of my mind of excitement. Of adventure. Of the best damn garden I will have in my life. Of romping with my long lost puppy in the snow under the Northern Lights. Of eskimo kisses with my awesome boy.

Of freezing my ass off in the frozen wasteland. Of more time alone. Of them not medically clearing him and being so far away for who knows how long. Of losing fingers and limbs as a mechanic. Of getting sunburns and getting in trouble for “DESTRUCTION OF GOV'T PROPERTY” like today.

So there I am. Conflicted and trying to be positive.

There isn't really much to complain about, other than the homesickness. Terrible homesickness. The weather is glorious, the structure is easy to work with, and I have a PT waiver so I sit on the grass while they run right now. We go to class, which is GREAT, then PT, then we are free until mandatory study time from 8-930, accountability (taking roll) at 10, then sleep until morning accountability. Simple. The mandatory study time is only the first couple weeks of class, too. Then, free time at the internet cafe and commissary (neeeeeed food!) and chill in my room. It is good. And I get paid to do it.

But... Alaska. I don't even know how to feel about it.