This letter was to help me understand the church's involvement in Prop 8, and dates from that time. The actual letter was 3 pages single spaced, but some of it is not going to be put on the internet.
Further warning. Yes, I am getting more vocal about my religious trek. Yes, many of you will probably be somewhat upset by it (but are you surprised? Probably not). Realize, that since I've started looking at all this stuff- the psychological impact, the hard evidences f my perceptions, and so on, I no longer get inexplicably angry when someone mentions religious anything around me. I did. It was an almost crippling anger at all things God related. This anger is so much less now, and I'm going to enjoy this catharsis until it stops helping.
You are welcome to not read it.I don't mind.
I will leave out editorial notes, but trust me, I had words. I did go to church the next week, and for several thereafter, but... shoot. That wasn't even the issue I was talking to the bishop about. I was there to ask about the whole "swearing obedience to my husband" bit. This just came up. Actually, I'm fairly certain he brought this up, as an example of why my gender role was supposed to be what it was, regarding the family. Boy did we get off track.
Dear Sister Starrwaltz, 2 Sept 2008
I just wanted to follow up on our conversation of last Sunday. YOu were very concerned about the church's stance on same sex marriage and on the urging to support legislation in California opposing it. I went to the handbook to see what the church's policy is toward political support. This is what I found under Political and Civic Activity, "While affirming the right of expression on political and social issues, the church is neutral regarding political parties, political platforms, and candidates for political offices. It does not endorse any political party, political platform, or candidate. Nor does it advise members on how to vote. However, in some exceptional instances the church does take a stand on specific legislation.
Under the heading of Same-Gender Marriage, is states "Marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God. The Church accordingly opposes same-gender marriage and any efforts to legalize such marriages. Church members are encouraged to appeal to legislators, judges and other government officials to preserve the purposes and sanctity of marriage between a man and a woman, and to reject all efforts to give legal authorization or other official or suppor to marriages between persons of the same gender".
Like any private organization, the Church has the right to support governmental laws and ideals that support doctrine. It was chosen not to endorse candidates or parties but maintains the right to endorse or oppose specific laws. Our government was set up to give all individuals or groups of individuals the right to choose and support any candidate or law they see fit to. ANy attempt to block this right is essentially illegal, immoral and un-Constitutional. Recognizing that the Church has not violated its policies and has every right to urge its members to support or oppose legislation should help you make this a non-issue.
I should note here, I tried my darndest to change the subject. I was in tears trying to change the topic. I DID NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT. You see, I was on a kick about gender roles. In the meantime, I mentioned that I was attending a 2-hour-a-week class at the Synagogue, taught by a Rabbi. I figured, if the Christians are right, the Jews were once, right? Who better to teach me the Old Testament? Here, I skip a page or so on that topic.
With exception of one lovely gem: I mean, don't we believe that Jews are right? Doctrinally?
"I also have to say that your premise for attending this class makes no sense... You might learn some interesting cultural things that may help you relate to or give you some common ground with his (Jesus') mortal life, but it won't teach you what you really need ot know about him. Again this seems so odd; your approach is to learn about Christ from an unauthorized teacher in a corrupt religion talking about the culture of someone he doesn't even believe in?"
The closing:
I don't know if you realized it, but nearly all the things we talked about Sunday were based on negative feelings or criticism of the church. You feel the Church is wrong in it's view of homosexuality, you think it is wrong for the church to urge it's members to oppose legislation, you don't think that anyone in the church including the leadership understands the Old Testament (I certainly hope I didn't say that. Just that no one was teaching ME), you think the church's selected canon (King James Version) is flawed, you feel that the church's disciplinary actions are bad, etc. When I put those together, it makes me wonder if you have a testimony of the truthfulness of the Gospel and the church..." (insert his testimony here.)
The bolded indicates where I wanted to put in editorial notes. And for the record, he didn't explain the role of women, didn't even address it. He instead asked for a week to look up what he could about it, then maybe come over to my house the following week to discuss his findings. This was so reasonable, and I was so hopeful...
Then he spent the time at my house browbeating my husband into getting me in line. I shit you not. Still no mention of gender roles, but he'd made his point clear. At one point, my husband (full of his own concerns. We were on the same wavelength) said something so infuriating that the bishop yelled "You know what? I don't honestly care about you. I'm just doing my job!" His first counselor, a very decent human being, actually facepalmed and tried to reign in the bishop. My boy excused them (very politely, considering) and said "well, that's that." and never went back.
I tried so hard. If they'd just told me to be subservient, to do as my husband told me, I was ready to do it. I was. I wanted to, even, just a little, just so they'd leave me alone. I just wanted to do as I was told already. Funny, though- after talking to my husband, they couldn't tell me that either.
It was tough. I went to church still, hiding from the bishop (I actually RAN into a bathroom once, and hid there until I heard the opening hymn for the next class because I could not talk to him again).
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