yesterday really emphasized how it can be awkward being in contact with someone you once dated.
The question was "what song are you listening to and how does it make you feel?"
And his answer was to the effect of "reminds me of my first term at the U, a terribly lonely time..."
and I'm like... LONELY? Weren't we dating? Wasn't my grandmother dying in a hospital a few blocks from where you lived and me THERE three nights a week? That was long before we started fighting and getting too serious for our age- it was like, the golden age of any dating experiences we might have had. I've driven by that house and skittle row and been like "awww...those were really really fantastic days. I miss that"
Anyway. Revisionist history? maybe. Great illustration of why it can be weird trying to be friends with someone you once thought you were going to marry and have lots of babies with? YES. Sigh. Tried to answer his question, but the next song on my ipod was some nice Gaga diddy that I love to dance to and I wasn't feeling very light anymore. Just a little devalued.
Sometimes I wonder if this friends thing is just another symptom of my inability to let go of shit.
Yes, it was while we were dating... sorry. It wasn't when I was with you that I was lonely, it was when I wasn't. Why do you think I moved south? When you weren't around I wandered the streets of the city, lost in my own thoughts. I had no other friends, my family was distant at best, and it was horrible. You were a bright light in a world of darkness, and I lived for the moments I had with you. Other nights I haunted local coffee shops and did homework, wrote poetry and tried to find other friends, but it was rough.
ReplyDeleteBut it wasn't you.